12 Tips to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

12 Tips to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

When our kids are not « listening » or « behaving », we have a tendency to feel frustration, anger, even shame if we feel watched or believe we are being judged. Being in that state of mind is what generally results in over reacting and negative behavior (screaming, threatening, …) to submit our kids to our will. However, this way of communicating feeds conflicts, weakens parent-child relationships and undermines self-esteem.

If we go back to the origin of a behavior that we deplore, we find these 7 causes (you will notice that the intention to harm is not there):

  • The immaturity of the child’s brain
  • Fatigue, hunger and nutrition
  • Unmet psychological needs (need for stimulation, recognition, structuring)
  • Strong emotions that block reasoning.
  • the activation of bad parts of the child’s brain (especially the primitive systems related to anger and fear when we cry, threaten, give orders, …)
  • The parents’ stress: the stress is transmitted and parasites the children’s listening skills
  • Lack of information, lack of rules: if a situation is new to the child and has never been “trained” and informed

In order to take into account these 7 causes and to propose alternatives that encourage cooperation, I invite you to take the following steps:

How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

Invent a game

“Can all cars go into the box before the timer rings? Ready? GO! ”

Make objects talk

“I am a sad shoe. I need a foot to console me! ”

Set up a scenario

“Our mission is to climb this slippery mountain to your seat. What an adventure! ”

Play dumb

“But … where do I put that sleeve?” On my head? That’s it? Oh no, it’s on my leg! Ah, do you think it’s on your arm? Try …. Oh yes, you’re right! Whew, luckily you were here! ”

Give fun choices

“Do you want to jump in the bathtub like a frog or walk sideways like a crab? ”

Make your kid’s choice count

“You decide when you turn on the timer to leave. ”

Give directions

“The papers go in the trash. ”

Say it in one word

” Hat! ” ” Trash can! ”

Describe what you see

“I see that most of Lego’s pieces are already in the box. There are still some left to put away. ”

Describe what you feel

“I do not like food being thrown on the floor. ”

Write a note

“Put me on your head before riding a bike. Kisses, your safety helmet. ”

Ask a question

“What do we do before going out when it’s raining? ”

What’s next?

Want to learn more how to get kids to cooperate? check out this great book by Elizabeth Pantley : Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

 

You can also check out our guide of 8 ways to reinforce positive discipline

 

2019-01-14T16:48:04+00:00

Leave A Comment